From a conference about ASEAN:
“We are sometimes asked ‘Well, what’s the difference between a Canadian and an American?’ A Canadian is an unarmed American with healthcare.” – Prof. Paul Evans
And a belated pair from a conference on early modern Japanese women:
“This is an interesting audience; we’ve got some people of sublime scholarly experience, and some people of, uh, less sublime scholarly experience. This lecture is aimed at the more experienced. So, if you’re less experienced, good luck, and we’ll give you some great sources later: all of my own books 🙂 ” – Prof. Mary Elizabeth Berry, who gave a great lecture that day.
“It’s the job of teachers to alienate kids from their parents.” – Prof. Joshua Mostow